Yesterday started out as a good day, and then ended up as a bad day. In the morning I felt fine, I got up and made breakfast and then bussed to school. I was pretty tired because I stayed up too late on Tuesday night, but other than that things were good.
School was okay. I was working on my chemistry, and it was a really frustrating lesson. A ton of content and I was having major focus issues which made it hard. Something annoying happened with one of my classmates too. She was talking to Mr. H about an assignment, and she was saying how she was "Soo OCD" because it really bothered her how one of here letters didn't fit on the right page or something. And it made me really angry, and I wanted to turn around and tell her to shut up because OCD is an illness that ruins peoples lives and liking things in order is NOT OCD. And then my teacher made it worse because he said that OCD will be really helpful to her in her career because it means attention to details and that as long as it wasn't interfering with her life it was a good thing. And I wanted to tell him that in order to be diagnosed with OCD, your symptoms HAVE to be severe enough to interfere with your life. And that it is not a good thing to have OCD!! The whole thing really upset me.
Then I went to my co-op at daycare, which was good. The kids are always so cute, and it always makes my mood better. The kids got me to draw a bunch of stuff for them again, and it's fun because it doesn't matter how good the drawings I do are they still love them. I also got to spend time with the two special needs children, pulling them around in a wagon when we went outside. They absolutely love being pulled in the wagon, and I like doing it.
After daycare I bussed home, and that's when the trouble started. I'm not sure why, but my mood just started going down. It was difficult because I felt like I was watching myself starting to go down, but I couldn't actually do anything to stop it. But so I started to feel really bad, and then I really wanted to cut for some reason. I was trying not to, so I called N and we talked for a little bit. Sometimes it helps to just talk to someone, but I wasn't able to tell him how I was feeling so It didn't really help much. I am thinking that maybe he is getting sick of us talking all the time, and I'm worried that he is getting sick of me. So I decided that I am going to not talk to him for the next couple days just to give him some space if he needs it. Anyway, after calling him I didn't really feel any better, and so I ended up taking a shower and cutting. I felt really awful after, and really regretted it, but I just couldn't seem to help myself. After that it was late, so I went on tumblr a little bit and then I went to bed.
So that was my day yesterday. I will post tonight about today.
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